It’s time to get personal.
“What we increasingly do on the internet and on our mobile devices is about who we are – about real identity.”
You can check out the full video below:
But damn, this authenticity stuff seems scary! For too long, I have let the fear of putting my true self out there stand in the way of actually living my dreams. One of these dreams is writing a book about spirituality and science, and travelling the world to do the research. Even in my everyday job as a science journalist, I have simply been stuck and unable to take the risks to do what I want.
"I'm coming out!"
But in in recent times it has become more petrifying not to be me than to risk censure from critics.
So I’m currently undergoing a life overhaul. Fear is a beast that I have to send on its way, daily (and with gratitude – I mean, it’s only meant to protect me). This transformation feels like a metamorphosis. I’ve been in my cocoon too long, and now I’m breaking free so that I can fly. Wooohoo!
Fly, butterfly, fly!
I really see this as a voyage of self-discovery, but one that will hopefully resonate with others and bring meaning. Because looking at an fMRI scan may tell you interesting things, but it won’t tell you all about the inner workings of your mind. And social sciences and psychological studies may tell you about some behaviour, but they can’t fully explain the diverse complexity of our lives.
What I write here will rest on research and my own experiences, sometimes both, sometimes one or the other. This is simply because I can’t ignore the real me any longer. The truth is: every time I get stuck in a place of deep submerged-feeling low; a feeling there is a wall blocking me from going back and one blocking me from going forwards; a constricted-gut, chest and throat feeling, I turn to spiritual practices to get myself back on track.
I have been to counselling, once, when I was at University and suffering from some bullying. I found it helpful, and I would go to a counsellor again if I wanted to. And I talk to friends and family about the state of my mental health (I totally welcome this new Mind initiative to get rid of mental health taboo – see the ‘Talking for Change’ video.) But personally I don’t want my loved ones to always be having to put me back together again like I’m some kind of Humpty Dumpty. They have their own problems. And I certainly don’t want to be taking medication to numb me when I felt sure that the answers to the roots of my problems lay within me. Pain can be useful sometimes, it’s how we learn, I think.
But I do want to take responsibility for my own personal evolution, and this means dealing with the bad times too. To me this means intensive spiritual practice to deal with my feelings on an everyday basis. I feel that this goes deeper into addressing my issues than conventional counselling – but it is just my opinion and I would never discourage anyone from seeking any kind of help if they need it.
When I split from my last ex-boyfriend, who I lived with, I had a serious crisis. It lasted a long time up until the point I was ready to have a fantastic new relationship (which I now do. Yay!). The interim was a time of change and transition, and it was messy to say the least. What helped me, what truly made a difference, was that I went ecstatic dancing one or two times a week for over a year. And what has helped me recently to get out of a stuck place in my career has been a lot of journaling and meditation plus the wise guidance of a ‘soul-reader’. Yes, I have seen Shamanic healers, learnt rituals, consulted with people who call themselves psychics. There’s not much I haven’t sampled in the way of esoteric rites. I’d like to explore some of these in more detail over the course of this blog. I will also be blogging about a whole bunch of other things that interest me in the intersection of spirit, science and society.
I hope you enjoy reading and discussing. Thanks!
PS Listening to this.
